In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
