Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
