Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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