SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
