I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
