We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't deserve a penis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
