I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
