Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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