Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
