Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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