I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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