just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
