My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Randomize
