I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just threw up on my dentist
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
