Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
