My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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