i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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