There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize