Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize