Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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