So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
