Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
