I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
