plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
