I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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