by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
