she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Two words: nipple clamps
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