I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
