My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
