To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was born a porn star she said
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
