they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize