My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
