T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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