So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
