Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
