My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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