Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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