its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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