thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
