Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
