so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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