and you said cock pushups were impossible
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
