like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
