the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize