laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
