People with herpes should wear stickers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
