Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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