p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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