We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
