he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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