where am i from again
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
