Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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