Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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