she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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