4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize