this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
