I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize