I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
