How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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