i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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