We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize