bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
