i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
