I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
