I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
