life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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