i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
