totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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