I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
