When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
