Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
