Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
