3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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