just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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