i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
